


This is Me Trying

by DAgron01



Category: Charmed (TV 2018)
Genre: Canon Divergent, F/F, also briefly features Maggie and Macy, humor and inappropriate flirting because it's Abigael we're talking about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28216269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DAgron01/pseuds/DAgron01
Summary: Abigael hates that she cares. But also, she doesn't hate it at all.  Post episode 17
Relationships: Abigael Jameson-Caine/Mel Vera
Comments: 8
Kudos: 48





	This is Me Trying

_ “I just wanted you to know that this is me trying” _

She is almost pleasantly surprised when her phone rings and she sees that it’s Mel. It had been an impulse to pack up and leave the Vera house without a word, but she couldn’t stay. Not once she started to get soft and feel vulnerable. She hates that she is delighted that Mel notices her absence almost immediately. And she doesn’t know why she can’t just let the call go to voicemail and be done with it, but she finds herself answering on the third ring.

“Potion Princess? To what do I owe the pleasure?”

She smiles when she hears Mel huff loudly.

“You just left. Without saying anything. I wanted to make sure you were okay. Safe.” Mel tells her.

“Awww, you care. It almost sounds like you miss me.” She teases just to regain the upper hand.

There is a slight pause. “Is it weird that I kind of do.”

This catches Abigael completely off guard.

“Yes. It is.” 

“It’s just…” Mel’s voice goes quiet. “I actually had fun making potions with you. And you still annoy the hell out of me, but...it was sort of...nice...to have a friend. I don’t have very many of those these days.”

Neither does Abigael. None, if she’s being honest. And that’s why she thinks she kept helping the Charmed Ones against her better judgement. For some reason, they wormed their way in and made her want to try and be a better person. She is tired of being so alone. But she also can’t allow them to have that kind of power over her. The power to hurt her. Not physically, because she can kick their asses. But to break her heart. She won’t allow anyone that kind of power. Not any more.

“I know that it’s probably hard for you...now that Harry’s back. But you didn’t have to leave.”

“Harry? What does Harry have to do with this?” She wonders before she thinks better of it.

“Come on, I know how it feels to be rejected by someone you care about. You don’t have to pretend not to be hurt by it.”

“I’m over Harry.”

“Really?”

“He used me. He pretended like he cared about me and got me to do the dirty work so he could keep his, yours, and your sisters’ hands clean. I may be a selfish, demon asshole much of the time, but even I didn’t deserve that.”

She didn’t expect the ire in her words. But it is all true. She is pissed at how he treated her. 

“You’re right. You don’t. And I’m sorry.” Mel tells her, and she actually believes it.

“Look, I’m glad he’s okay. And thank you for checking on me. But I’m fine. I always am.”

She hangs up without a further word. And takes a calming breath. She curses herself for even picking up the phone to begin with. She didn’t owe Angry Spice anything. Especially forgiveness.

She ignores the texts and voicemails over the next month. Just a few here and there to check in, and although she doesn’t answer any of them--she saves them all. And she will never admit to listening to them when she felt most lonely--which is far too often these days. And she refuses to think about what it means.

It must be an absolute low point in her life that she actually shows up at the Vera house one night after a missed call from Mel.

“Abigael?” Macy is shocked when she opens the door. “Hi.”

“Are you going to invite me in, or just stand there like an idiot?” 

Macy frowns. “What are you doing here?”

“I…”

She didn’t know why she was there. She hates that she came.

“Are you in danger? Do you need help?” Macy goes from skeptical to caring in a foul swoop and Abigael curses herself for feeling touched by it.

“I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t know why I’m here.” She tells her.

Macy steps aside carefully and lets her in. She seems to be studying her, but she doesn’t argue. “I wanted to thank you. For your help before. You saved Mel and then Harry, and we couldn’t have done it all without you.”

Well, that is a surprise. 

She wordlessly follows Macy through the house and into the kitchen where the others are chatting.

“I’m just saying, that if we’re going to go to war with Julian’s supercharged army--I need to make sure to get more cardio in. Today almost killed me.” 

She smirks at Mel’s words and her stomach clenches at the sound of the voice she has gotten to know so well through the voicemails she replays constantly.

“Well, if it’s more cardio you need, I’m glad I came when I did. I have just the solution for you.” She teases seductively from the doorway.

Mel turns around and stares at her. She feels Maggie’s gaze as well, though she gives her very little attention.

“Abby? You’re here.” Mel seems at a loss for words and it makes Abigael’s smirk deepen with pleasure.

She refuses to acknowledge how the nickname makes her stomach flip.

“We’ve been worried about you.” Maggie tells her and Abigael raises an eyebrow, because there is no way she believes that. Maggie, the empath, must sense it because she adds, “Well, Mel has. I’ve mostly been relieved. Good riddance, I say.”

She can tell that Maggie’s not being completely truthful. She believes her about Mel, because she has the phone calls to prove it. But the rest of the sentence, it feels almost like playful teasing. And she wonders when Maggie started to semi-care about her.

“I missed you too, Bouncy Spice.” She teases back and smiles genuinely when Maggie smiles at her.

Maggie glances at Mel and gently touches her shoulder. “If you want the extra training, I’ll call Jordan and set something up for tomorrow.”

She exits the room and Macy follows. Then it’s just Harry, Mel and Abigael.

“I’m glad you’re well, Abigael.” He tells her.

“I’m glad you are, too.” She steps further into the room. “How’s Macy? Did you finally make your move yet?”

He swallows awkwardly and she gets her answer. “The two of you are perfect together. A couple of judgemental assholes.”

“Abby…” Mel warns.

She immediately softens at that, and she curses herself for it.

“I’m just going to give you two a minute, it seems I’m unwanted here.” Harry spares a glance at Mel and walks toward Abigael to leave. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I never intended to.”

She lets him pass her without commenting.

“So...prepping for another war? It’s lucky I came when I did.” Abigael says after a long moment of silence.

“Why  _ are _ you here?” Mel’s voice is soft. “I’m not upset that you are or anything...just confused. I thought you ghosted me.  _ Us! _ I assumed you were off living your best life as far away from here as possible.”

“I’m still without my fortune and home, Mel. What kind of best life is that?”

Mel’s eyes explore hers and she looks concerned. “But you’re...you’re okay, right? Safe?”

“Still perfectly alive.” She steps closer. “Go ahead and feel for yourself.”

Mel coughs awkwardly and steps away. “I’ll take your word for it.”

“Awww, you trust me. Isn’t that lovely.”

“I do.” Mel admits softly. “I trust you. With my life.”

Abigael doesn’t know what to say to that.

“Which is sort of why I called you. Julian has an army of super-powered soldiers and we need all the help we can get. We could really use your power. Plus, Macy’s got Harry, and Maggie’s got Jordan...so I could really use someone to have my back.”

Abigael stares at her. “And you trust me not to put a knife in it?”

Mel nods. “These are the same people who sent the darklighter assassin for you. I figured you’d want a piece of them as much as we do. And yeah, like I said, I trust you.”

“It seems you didn’t tell your sisters you reached out to me for help.”

Mel shrugs. “Wasn’t sure you’d come, so I didn’t mention it to them.”

Abigael nods.

“I’m glad you did though.” Mel confesses.

“Because you’re useless and lost and can’t do anything without me and my demon powers?”

Mel rolls her eyes. “We have our powers back--we’re stronger than ever. I’m not useless. And it’s not just your demon powers I need, it’s you. Someone I trust; who just happens to be the strongest person I know. The two don’t have to be mutually exclusive.”

Abigael has no quip for that.

“So...are you in? Ready to go to war and save the magical world?”

“I’m always ready for war. It’s the saving the world part that tends to confound me.”

Mel smiles at that and Abigael is captivated. “Great! I’ll call the others in and we can go over our game plan.”

Abigael rolls her eyes. “Do you have to? I was rather enjoying myself without them.”

Mel shakes her head, but the smile remains. “I missed you.”

Abigael frowns at that foreign concept, but immediately turns it into another devious smirk. “If you missed me so much...why don’t you forget about calling the others down here...so the two of us can do some cardio?”

She slides a finger down Mel’s arm as seductively as possible. And although she’s mostly teasing, this time it’s far from being a game. It’s different than it had been with Harry. Mel isn’t using her. She isn't trying to change her. She  _ sees _ her. And she accepts her anyway. She even called them friends.

Although, at this moment, being  _ friends _ with Mel is the last thing on Abigael’s mind. She watches her blush and swallow audibly. Before she can psyche herself up to actually be brave enough to make a genuine move, she hears the others coming back down the stairs. She curses under her breath and steps away. Only slightly. Because, she realizes she likes being this close to Mel. And she will take every chance she gets to remain in her vicinity. For as long as Mel will have her.

xxxxx

“Thanks again, for all your help. I wasn’t sure you would answer. You didn’t have to answer.” Mel tells her as they stand in the middle of their kitchen after thwarting another apocalypse together.

It had sort of become  _ their _ thing. Saving the world and each other, together.

Mel is currently pouring some sort of drink for Abigael.

“You really thought I wouldn’t answer your call?” She hates that she sounds more vulnerable than she intends to. “I know you hate my demon side, but I couldn’t exactly have your deaths on my conscience. Demon or not.”

Mel hands her the drink with a small smile. “I don’t hate your demon side, Abby. And I hoped you’d answer, even if it was just so you could rub our faces in the fact that we needed you to get out of there alive.”

Abigael smirks at that. “Oh, I won’t let you forget it.”

She takes the drink from Mel, letting her finger graze Mel’s softly. She relishes at the shiver she sees the other woman try to hide and raises the glass. Mel does the same with hers.

“Here’s to saving the world and not dying.” Mel says happily.

Abigael studies her for a moment, not sure she remembers ever seeing her truly smile. Or happy like this. She hates to admit it, but happiness looks good on her. Everything these days looks good on her. 

“Yeah, I rather like not dying.” She says as she gently clicks her glass into Mel’s and then takes a sip of her drink. “Wow. This is really good. What is it?”

“Don’t sound so surprised. I used to be a bartender. I know my way around a drink.”

Abigael raises an eyebrow at that bit of knowledge, and takes another sip. She enjoys Mel’s spunky side--always has.

“And it’s a Mel Vera original.” She stares at Abigael seriously and adds, “I call it Potion Princess.”

Abigael actually laughs at that. “ _ Someone _ actually has a sense of humor. Guess I need to come up with something else to call you rather than Angry Spice.”

Mel rolls her eyes and frowns. “I know I’m more serious than my sisters a lot of the time, and harder to get to know...but do you really think I’m that angry all the time?”

Abigael shrugs. “Not particularly. I mostly find it amusing to tease you because when you do get angry...you get a cute little frown between your eyebrows…” She reaches out for it and soothes it with a finger. “Right here.”

The frown disappears from Mel’s face. “You really can be infuriating most of the time.”

“And what about the rest of the time?” She doesn’t understand why she needs to know.

“The rest of the time you’re mildly tolerable.”

Abigael stares at her and when Mel smiles, she rolls her eyes at her. “Has saving the world made you soft, Militant Molly?”

“Soft? Never.” She sighs. “I just...I owe you so many apologies.”

Abigael’s eyes widen. She certainly never expected those words out of a Charmed One’s mouth. Especially from Angry Spice. 

“Whatever for?”

“I know you said that Harry used you to do the dirty work so his hands could stay clean, and I know you don’t just blame Harry for that. Since we basically did pretty much the same thing in the beginning. And I, for one, was particularly awful and distrusting of you.”

Abigael shakes her head and raises a hand to stop her. “You never pretended to be my friend just to use me. I always knew where I stood with you. It wasn’t always ideal-- to know what you really thought of me, but it was better than pretending to be something you weren’t.”

Mel nods slightly. “But...for the record, I regret the way I treated you. I need you to know that. I mean, we’re friends now, and you deserve to know that. It isn’t my best character trait. I know that I don’t let people in easily and that I distrust people. I was awful to Macy when she first came to us. Harry too. But...just so you know, when I do let someone in...when I trust them, I would do anything for them. I’m stubbornly loyal. And I don’t give up on people I care about.”

Abigael is quiet for a long time, then her eyes find Mel’s. “I know. You were the only one who reached out to me after I moved out. You didn’t have to keep checking in, you didn’t owe me anything. But you did it anyway.” She sits her drink down. “I never had someone care like that before--who wanted to make sure I was okay. You don’t know what it means to me.”

“Honestly, I’m just glad you didn’t block my number.”

Abigael laughs at that. “Is that something that happens to you often? You have a trail of broken hearts I’m not aware of, Mel Vera?”

The name feels awkward on her tongue as she rolls the letters around and tastes each of them. Not awkward...just  _ different _ . A good kind of different though. She thinks she likes it.

“You do know my name!” Mel teases as she deftly avoids answering the question.

Abigael rests her forearms on the island between them and leans toward Mel conspiratorially. “So...how many exes do I need to be worried about?”

Mel rolls her eyes and sits her own glass down as she matches Abigael’s posture. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Abigael sighs. “Yes, which is why I asked.”

Mel seems momentarily stunned, but then swallows thickly. “I...none you have to worry about. But I feel like I should come clean about something.” She awkwardly plays with her fingers as she refuses to look at Abigael.

“Well then, spit it out.” 

“I had a girlfriend, Niko. She was everything to me and...well, my world, as you can imagine, got too dangerous and she almost died. A few times actually. Someone was after her, and to save her life...I did a memory spell. Altering the timeline and making it so she never met me. Never knew me.”

Abigael raises her eyebrows in shock. Not only because she never would have thought Mel had it in her, but also because she couldn’t imagine someone loving her that much--loving her so much that they were willing to break their own heart just to keep her safe. It makes her irrationally jealous. But also begrudgingly respectful. The warring emotions keep her silent.

“Please say something.” Mel begs, as she reaches out and gently touches Abigael’s hand. “I get it if you’re disgusted with me. Niko sure was when she found out.”

Now Abigael is confused. “I thought you said you made it so she never met you. How’d she find out?”

Mel pulls her hand back and runs both hands through her hair. “Oh, well, she somehow found me anyway. A case she was working on, led to me. And we...we kissed. The connection was still there, even if her memories weren’t. Eventually, I told her everything. Me being a witch and the spell...the knowledge literally almost killed her. So...I had to let her go again. Without the memory spell.”

Abigael replays the words in her mind. “You still love her?”

Mel shakes her head. “No. Not any more. Well, honestly, a part of me probably always will. But I’m not  _ in _ love with her. I’ve moved on and I hope that she’s happy living a normal, safe life somewhere far from here.”

“I’m surprised you had it in you.” Abigael admits after another long silence. “That’s not a very witch-like thing to do. The demon side of me...is almost impressed.”

“Almost?”

“Let’s just say that there is more than one emotion warring inside me right now and I’m not sure which one will win out.”

Mel nods minutely and exhales shakily. “I guess, I deserve that. I understand if you lost any sort of respect you might have had for me. As a feminist myself, I know it was a huge violation of privacy and autonomy and certainly consent.”

Abigael frowns at that. “You think it changes the way I see you?”

“Of course. As it should. Especially after how much hell I gave you for the things you did in the name of self-preservation. Because, no matter how I try to spin it...I did it as much for myself as I did for her.”

“Another thing we have in common.” Abigael breathes out with a small smile.

Mel’s eyes widen. “You memory-wiped an ex-girlfriend, too!?”

Abigael smirks. “No. I just meant...you may have been hard on me and everyone else...but you’re hardest on yourself. You’re self-deprecating. You don’t see yourself the way others see you.”

“I’m sorry.” Mel says and opens her mouth to continue, but Abigael stops her.

“Stop apologizing.”

“Sor--” She smiles as she stops and shakes her head. “I guess, what I’m trying to tell you is that both of your parents were wrong. You aren’t defective. And you aren’t evil. Or whatever lies they fed you to make you think you’re any less that what you really are.”

Abigael stares at her as she swallows audibly. “And what am I?”

“Half-demon, half-witch...but completely human.” Mel steps around the island as she slowly approaches her. “We are all capable of good and bad things. We all mess up and make mistakes. We let people down. We can be selfish.” She stops right in front of Abigael. “But we are capable of so much love and compassion and strength and wisdom.” She looks Abigael in the eyes and holds them in a way that she can’t possibly comprehend. “You’re just  _ you.  _ Abigael Jameson-Cain. And who you are is beautiful.”

Abigael can’t stop herself, she bursts into tears and flings herself into Mel’s body. Mel catches her gracefully and holds her tighter.

“This isn’t how I saw this night going.” Mel whispers.

Abigael laughs through her sob. “What, you didn’t expect me to be crying in your arms?”

Mel rubs calming circles on her back. “I was actually trying to gather the courage to try and kiss you.”

That makes the weeping stop as Abigael goes still. “What...did you just....you want to kiss me?

Mel attempts to pull away, but Abigael grasps at her and keeps her in place.

“I know that I misread all the signs and assumed your flirting was actually flirting, so I’m sorry. I get that you need a friend more than anything right now, and I promise I can still be that for you. Can we just...pretend these last few minutes never happened?” Mel pleads with her.

“No!” Abigael steps away slightly and looks at Mel. “You didn’t misread any signs. The flirting was absolutely real. I enjoy being friends with you, Mel. But I don’t want to just be friends with you. I want you to kiss me. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more.”

Mel smirks at her. “Not even Harry?”

Abigael rolls her eyes. “Shut up.” She touches her chin with her fingertips, then caresses her thumb across Mel’s lips. “Please...kiss me.”

Mel is really good at following directions. But she’s even better at kissing.


End file.
